it's now five thirty seven am. i know i didn't explain/talk about the last two poems i posted but i'm finally sleepy. must take advantage of the feeling while it's salient. tomorrow/i mean today. good morning. 

my heart deteriorates 

my heart breaks
when I think of
the universe waiting
inside of each infant

toddlers
tottering along
their tiny gurgled laughter
tightens my chest and
makes me believe

in miracles
like dancing
to no discernable rhythm

and I remember love
like a cool gulp of water
after running for miles

love like panting for air
while you laugh til it hurts
and you’re wriggling on the floor
thinking you might die

love like
I can’t explain
why
I love

days like this
they don’t come often enough

don’t worry
I’m not crying
because my heart is breaking
my heart has been breaking
since my first breath

I’m crying
because
I’m overwhelmed by
the air
and the distance
I travel 
between each time we embrace

love is all
love is all that
love is all that matters

because
I’m such a poor container
for the Spirit within me

honey
do not forget to
and remember when you said you’d
and I would love it if you
please I really need you to do

hugs
hug me
yes seriously
even when I act like a three year old
throwing tantrums
inconsolable
clingy
down right mercurial

bewildered at how often I lose my cool
but you never do
(which I don’t understand
and it really bugs me)

so hug me
and I’m not saying
I won’t resist
or that I’ll forget about the little thing
you did(n’t do) that’s now a
humongous deal

but I will
I will remember how
your eyes are like
honey
honey

honey dripping in spectacular beads
pooling into perfect orbs
absorbing
just enough light to glow
without knowing
the sweetness emitted

do you see
see what I’m saying here is
I forget
what I’m saying here is
I am trying to remember
a way to keep myself from forgetting
your eyes
like honey
honey

glazed globes
fair lashes
and those tiny creases
right in the corners
when you laugh really hard

and for all my ability
I don’t know how to use a camera
to imprint you
wholly on my memory
so that it’s like you never left
(because you are leaving…don’t pretend)

are you at all aware of
the number of hugs
we’ve taken for granted
it tears me apart

it’s possible that it’s just me
probably
true even
but eyes like honey
and hugs just as sticky
and laughter just as thick
and times tinted in the same color

are impossible to recreate
even for the most creative person
and considering I’m not one for time travel

what’s the point
I’ll tell you

honey
please I really need you to
and I would love it if you
and remember when you said you’d
do not forget to do

hugs

I wrote this poem for my friend tyty. it's the second of two. I wrote the first one for him (not featured anywhere on this blog) because no one had ever written a poem for him. well sometimes i think poets should spend more time writing poems about the people they love. and some of my favorite poets are the ones that do or have at some point in their works. Anyhow, I wrote this and gave it to him the day before Val's Day. he gets the brunt of my brattiness and whininess... it baffles me frankly. he's a high quality friend, so if i can write him a poem now and then to make up for what a hot mess i am i'm going to do it. Also other friends out there: I am willing to write poetry to immortalize my love for you as well, just let me know if this is something you want. 

I'm going to post some updates on my blog. Hopefully there won't be many typos and hopefully there will be some cohesion and coherence. Poems are a great place to start. I've been writing more. And since my life is about to get very writing oriented what with Loyal Daughters in my charge now, writing is everything. In fact, just coming out of about a month long mixed state and now entering some mild mania (probably induced by the intense sleep deprivation of midterms week {during which i had three panic attacks in one day}) it might be safe to say that this spring break week will be heavy on the reading-poetry-collage making side of energy. i might be okay with that. okay so poetry. 

Updates coming soon. to anyone who cares. 

So last week was a whirlwind. A hormone filled, oh so emotional, epiphanic whirlwind.