Being a rock star is not easy.
James has a wii. He also has guitar hero and band hero. I'm not really into video games but I am into performing. So I started my own progression on band hero and started out singing but then felt a tug to take a more rhythmic route. So I got out the drum set. I play on easy.
Finding your own rhythm is not easy. This world will not encourage you to follow your own instincts, it will try to drown out your intuition. But what about your friends? The last thing you want to do is step on toes when you're trying to find the beat. I feel incredibly clumsy when it comes this.
It is easy to butt heads when you're trying to find your own rhythm. Early this week James and I had a "huge" fight. It was hilarious to me when I woke up the next morning to think that we had been near strangling each other, the fact that we're so similarly tempered at times our anger flaring up like a gasoline soaked matchbook.
After yelling, storming off, succumbing to some poor coping mechanisms (I bought a pack of American Spirits and smoked about three of them instantly) our fevers broke we actually listened and were able to act like the pseudo adults we are. It was a complete fulfillment of James' prediction on mother's day about how my visit would be. He said, "It'll be both really amazing and really terrible, but it will never just be mediocre."
This is all too true. And as someone whose personality and moods dwell so often in extremes it seems a sort of indictment be phenomenal or be horrible but never ever ordinary. Heaven knows I can't be and am often not awesome all the time, being a rock star is not easy. And while it would be easy at first to be awful, to never try... Eventually that becomes difficult too.
And speaking of extremes how about making peace with extreme weather. My first few days in Houston were filled with the regret that comes with leaving a cool place for a sweltering sweaty one. I wasn't sure I would survive. The heat, the humidity, the lack of breezes. It was like living in a closed mouth. I hated sweating and then a shift: I love sweating. If I'm sweating my body is obviously doing its job. My brain is receiving info from my skin, neurons are firing, perspiration is occurring, core temperature is decreasing. Voila, ladies and gents. The more I can realize what a rock star my body is the less the heat is an issue.
Do you know what I mean? The more that I appreciate our twelve year friendship, the less I want to punch James in the face when he gets on my nerves. But seriously. The less important these minor frustrations become. The more important it is to accept and love.
Anyhow today is James' birthday. There will be good food, errands to run, mimosas for breakfast, party time, gifts. And I am wacky about birthdays and this is the first one of our birthdays that James and I have spent together probably since 8th grade. So happy birthday to my "hey baybee" James. Lord knows he deserves all contentment and love.
"Sing, if you can sing, and if not still be musical inside yourself."
--Mary Oliver, More Evidence
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