The air is an opiate

After roughly 90 hours of "traveling" on the Guantanamo Bay of Transportation, a handful of panic attacks and a two liter of tears shed from the frustration, one Timequake later, I made it to Vermont.

I'm enamored. I mostly walk around in a daze unable to believe that such a place exists and that I am experiencing it. In my studio it's hard mot to just spend all day staring down at the river, devising plans to be in it. And perhaps it's just that for four days I had limited access to fresh air but I swear that the air here is laced with sweetness, I can taste flowers if I breathe in through my month.

I am a fool. But you know that.

Today is my first full day here. I like everything. The tree covered mountains, the white noise of the river, the amicable temperature, the friendly and humorous artists I've been meeting.

And the peace that is radiating and filling me because I'm here. I had so much worry so much anxiety while in Houston and definitely while I was traveling that I became shortsighted, short of breath, of patience and love. And in the back of my mind there are still all sorts of nagging creatures, but wouldn't it be criminal to ignore the sound of the river beckoning? I really have to practice being more faithful. It's hard because I want to prove I can take care of myself and that I'm not weak. And I hate asking for help, would rather bite the dust than admit that I'm struggling or that I need something. And just when I start to think I'm so much closer to getting there, that ideal range of achievement and personal growth I have to learn these lessons again:

1. I am human
2. It's okay to ask for help, and most of the time it would be foolish not to
3. Sometimes things go horribly wrong even when you've done your best

And I feel like an idiot for having to relearn these things but then I have to laugh at myself and love myself too. Because at the moment when everything is too overwhelming to handle and I'm ready to disappear or worse, give up I hear the thing that everybody needs to hear, "I'm glad you're here". The universe has been quite consistent in this message and if that isn't nice, I don't know what is.

Ting-a-ling.

"Sing, if you can sing, and if not still be musical inside yourself."
--Mary Oliver, More Evidence

Location:Pearl St,Johnson,United States